I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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