As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
