eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
did i just pee glitter
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
