Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Someone came in the potted fern
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
