shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
