I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
