idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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