he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
be right there i have to get my cape
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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