and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
