i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
