So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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