I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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