why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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