he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
And then my night got REAL pukey
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
