My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
