I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
only you would photoshop your dick
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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