he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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