My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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