Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
