obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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