Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
