id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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