im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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