keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
