That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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