i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
