Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
