genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
