My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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