Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
