Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
