my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
