i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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