My hand turned me down
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
