I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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