we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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