you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
