last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
