I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
