1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
