I skipped work to stalk him.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
