VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
