I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
