He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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