never play flip cup with pint glasses
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
