I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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