Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
third nipple confirmed
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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