Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
