Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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