so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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