Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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