Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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