If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
