I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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