And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
