I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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