HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
