The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
