stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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